Someone submitted a question in the question box in The After Party last week and it went something like this ...
"I just got back from vacay. I was planning to keep the ball rolling while I was away (looked up restaurant menus, brought some food and even had access to a hotel gym) but somehow I let it all slide and didn't stick to the plan. Now I'm back and bloated and feel like crap. I was on such a roll. Why do I keep self-sabotaging like this?"
And here's the general idea of what I answered in our live Q+A...
When there is a gap between how you want to show up and how you are actually showing up, it's typically related to self-identity -- who you believe you are at the core.
At some point in your life (probably as a child) you decided that you are someone who brushes their teeth. When your parents or caregivers stopped micromanaging that for you and you started doing it regularly anyway, it became just a part of who you are. "I'm someone who brushes my teeth twice a day." You likely don't remember thinking that thought as this can all be a sneaky process. But it's part of your self-identity. If you couldn't brush your teeth at the time you normally do for some reason, you would still manage to get it in, even if a little later rather than seeing it as an excuse to skip it. You don't fall off the bandwagon of brushing your teeth. It's a constant. It's just what you do.
Some people have a self-identity that they are someone who exercises regularly, eats PFF + intentional carb meals, gets enough sleep. It doesn't mean they're "perfect", but it does mean that they never stray too far from those things because it just feels ... wrong. Off. Not in alignment with who they are (like how you'd feel if you skipped a few days of brushing your teeth). This might be hard to imagine because it's definitely NOT the status quo.
Talk to any of your friends about dessert, for example. When offered dessert, most people will say things like, "Oh I shouldn't." "It looks so good but I'm trying to be good." "I'm on a diet right now." Or even just eat the thing but do so in a way that leaves them feeling guilty because that choice felt out of their control. Nothing wrong with having some dessert! I had some most of the days when we were just away on vacation. But because my self-identity is STRONG, it was always a choice I made with confidence, knowing I was in the driver's seat and that food can be delicious, enjoyable, but does not have power over me.
If there's a gap between who you are now and who you'd like to be, the best way to close that gap is by becoming the person you want to be and making decisions as THAT person. Our brains are plastic, meaning, changeable. We can rewire them ... and we must, when we want to step up to a new level not yet achieved.
"Ugh. I really should workout right now."
Vs.
"I'm going to get my workout in now."
Verrrrrry different self-identities behind those. Person A is likely struggling with consistency when life gets busy, hard, routines are off, vacations. Person B might have no such challenges with consistency. They believe working out X days a week is just part of who they are and what makes them them. They will skip workouts if it's healthier to skip than to complete (like, say, when they have the flu) and they might be flexible (swap a workout day and a rest day so the rest day lines up with their favorite holiday, for example) but they get it in just like you get teeth brushing in.
Here's the key: you can't BS this. You can't pretend to have a certain self-identity. You have to let the evidence inform your brain of who you are now until it piles up enough to rewire your neural pathways.
Start here: Journal HARD about the 1-year-from-now version of you. Get as specific as possible. What time do you wake up. What's your mood like? What do you wear? What is your morning like? How does it feel to be in your body? What's your energy like? What do you eat for breakfast? Write out as much detail as you can and with lots of sensory description.
Then every time a decision pops up related to your health and / or body composition goals, notice the choice today's version of you is gravitating towards. Then picture that 1-year-from-now version and imagine what choice she (or he) would make. Is there a discrepancy? Great! This is a powerful rewiring moment and the more of these discrepancies you find, the more powerful your transformation will be. Now, go with the choice the 1-year-from-now version of you would go with. Boom! Little bit of evidence that you're more like her. And .... the more evidence like that you can pile up, the quicker you actually become her (or him).
Then what? Then you've closed the gap! You become that person. You no longer have any issues with consistency.
So what choices will the 1-year-from-now version of you make? Would she (or he) eat differently? Have a different exercise routine? Maybe a new outlook and attitude? Is she the type of person who invests in her health + goals? What time does she go to bed? Does she wait to be motivated or does she do it anyway? Is she kind + nurturing in her self talk?
And has she finally achieved her body composition goals, feels stronger than ever, confident, vibrant, playful and hopeful with lab work that most 20-somethings would drool over? :-P
Self identity isn't a sexy topic but the results of putting in work here are nothing short of sexy.
Go get 'em,
Tara
P.S. Enrollment starts in TWO weeks for the very last round of my metabolism-boosting course, TRANSFORM: Body + Mind of the year. We focus on health optimization, fat loss, muscle-building and because we work to get to the root of the issues (mitochondrial / metabolic dysfunction, oxidative stress and chronic inflammation), most people find all kinds of things improve that they weren't even focused on (skin, hair, moods, periods, menopause symptoms, blood pressure, lab work, thyroid function, PCOS ... ). It's quite a unique, comprehensive and holistic approach. You can learn more about it here and hop on the waitlist if you like things like discount codes. ;-)