We need to put our oxygen mask on first (like on a plane). I know I know but ...
How come it often feels self indulgent (not in a good way) to take care of ourselves?
I just started reading a new parenting book in my ongoing quest to feel like I have even a little bit of a clue about how to perform the most important role I have in this life. :-P I had a lightbulb moment in the introduction when the author was talking about the importance of self care as a parent.
She said, "Imagine this: You're rafting down a river with your family, when a section of whitewater rapids throws you into the water. There's no time for panic -- you've got to hustle. Your kids need you in the boat; besides, it's cold and dangerous in the water! The sooner you get back onto the raft, the better. You reach out your hand so the rafting guide can pull you back on board. Or do you? As parents, when something throws us off balance, we have a strange tendency to resist help that gets us back on track. It's as if we're so concerned about our kids staying on the boat that we don't take the hand that's offered to us. Instead we stay in the river, barely treading water behind the raft, which will do nothing to help our kids dodge the next set of rapids downstream."
Brilliant description, isn't it? We're so concerned that THEY (kids, partner, whoever) have enough to eat, but then think nothing of skipping meals earlier in the day and wonder why we're so cranky and ravenous at night. We think doing our best means doing the most and vow to "start over next week" with the goals we have for ourselves. We spend money like water on things we decide will make their lives easier / better, but feel guilty investing in something that will make us an entirely better person with confidence, health, and energy. Or heck, even the free stuff (walks, morning sun, exercise, cooking food we already have) gets moved to the back-burner (pun intended) because if it isn't "I don't have the money" then it becomes "I don't have the time".
We're really good at keeping the kids on the raft but somehow seem to think that we don't need to be on the raft alongside them.
Problem is, if we raise our children this way they will become adults who one day think they don't have the right to allow the guide to help them back onto the raft alongside their loved ones. Our JOB as caregivers -- if you are a caregiver -- is to coach them through being a kid but also being an adult as that's where they will be spending most of their years.
It's not self-indulgent to give yourself the same care + attention you would like to see your children (or any loved ones) give to themselves one day.
Suggestion. Pick ONE thing off the list below and schedule it into your week THIS week. Pick whatever stands out and think of this email as your sign to make it happen.
Schedule that doctor appointment, lab work, chiropractor consult
Set aside a little time to get in a workout. Maybe it's strength. Maybe it's some zone 2 cardio. Maybe it's been awhile since you've done any kind of HIIT. Whatcha need most? Do it.
Has sleep gotten away from you? It's easy (but oh so hard) to burn the candle at both ends in the Summer when days are longer. Set a bedtime and wake time and make sure the math works out for you to get enough zzzzs this week.
Take 5 minutes to stand outside in the sun, bare feet on the Earth for a quick recharge.
If you're feeling hopeless about some kind of goal you have, set aside some time to learn more about it and plan a small action step. Financials overwhelming? Book an appt. with a financial advisor. Parenting feeling extra hard? You might like the new book I just started -- The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids by Elaine Taylor-Klaus. Fat loss or health goals feeling impossible? Head over to my instagram page for some more free resources or hop on the waitlist for the September round of TRANSFORM: Body + Mind (less than 6 days left to get on the waitlist!). Or, find out more about 1:1 coaching here. In each option, I gotcha covered in the fat loss / body / health departments. ;-)
Mind feeling chaotic? My favorite 1-2 punch for that is 1) declutter something (even just a drawer helps) and 2) spend 10 minutes on a hobby or planning something. Chaos can be from a cluttered environment or even feeling there's so much of life's hard stuff present in your life without enough of life's fun. Adding in that fun (hobbies, social plans, plan a trip, date night).
No idea which to pick? Just do a few rounds of 4-7-8 breathing right now. Breathe in for a count of 4, hold for a count of 7 and exhale for a count of 8. Repeat a few times. It's a calm-inducing breath pattern and excellent for reducing stress, anxiety, and helping with sleep.
In a rut? Shake something up! Cook a new meal this week. Or just serve lunch or snack to your kids in a muffin tray for funsies. Drink your seltzer out of a champagne glass. Keep the TV off tonight and the phone down -- find something else to do. Google a few jokes and text them to your besties. Start an unprovoked water balloon fight with your kids, partner or friend (I suggest making sure they're ok getting wet first ... unless you're more adventurous than me. Haha!)
September is around the corner. New month and new season (soon). Perfect chance to re-commit to taking action on the things that you KNOW will improve your life ... and spill out and onto the lives of your loved ones. Wrapping up the year feeling better and entering 2024 with newfound momentum just hits different.
XO,
Tara
