When we become a mom, we spend a lot of time talking with other moms about our birth stories and recovery. About the challenges of breastfeeding and our changing bodies and so many other things related to our postpartum health. But we don’t always talk about the hard things like when we discover that we love being a mom but that we also need to find fulfillment for ourselves beyond motherhood.
We don’t talk about this very real part of motherhood because we think if we admit that we want to be more than a mom, people will judge us. We’re afraid people will think we’re ungrateful. And we worry that sharing this secret would make the hardworking moms who love staying home with their kids feel criticized, which is the last thing we’d want to do.
And yet if you want to find your purpose beyond motherhood, you need to know it does not diminish your worth as a mother. It does not make you a bad mom or a judgmental mom to desire something more for yourself. It makes you a real mom because I can tell you that there are plenty of other women who are searching for ways to be present mothers and find their “other” calling too.
I support many of these women in the work I do as a life coach. My clients adore their kids and they love being moms. But they also believe they were meant for something more. They crave opportunities to be creative and intellectually stimulated. They want to create an even better life for themselves and their families. They’re ready to make a difference in the world. And they want to show their kid(s) what’s possible when they go after their dreams.
Just a few years ago, I was a new mom who was searching for her purpose and ashamed to talk about it. I had just become a mother and was feeling pretty lost professionally. So in a slightly delusion, sleep-deprived move, I decided I wanted to use my maternity leave to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.
I’m what you could call an information-hoarder so I gathered books with titles like Finding Your North Star and Mom, Inc. Then whenever I was feeding my daughter or was resting with her on the couch, I dove into those books looking for answers.
But I’d only given myself a month-long maternity leave and it just wasn’t enough time to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. So at the end of it, I went back to doing what I’d done before working as a writer and cookbook author. I continued doing that for three more years.
I won’t say I was miserable during that time – I certainly had a lot to be grateful for. But the reality was that life was good, not great. I was still searching for my other calling and I knew I needed to find it to find myself again.
That’s when I found myself back in the same place, sitting on the couch with another baby girl. So again I asked myself, could there be something more for me?