“Optimist: someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it’s more like a cha-cha.” Robert Brault
Last week I hosted a workshop inside The After Party (the monthly membership available to everyone after TRANSFORM: Body + Mind) all about The Positivity Edge (but like, grounded in real life). If you caught that, you might enjoy a summary of the biggest takeaways today and if you missed it, I'm hoping today's newsletter leaves you feeling hopeful, more in control of your life, and normal! Mindset is something we could all make some progress with.
Happiness researchers (yes, that's really a job) have concluded a few really important things we now get to take and try on for ourselves. Those who report being most successful in achieving their goals (be it health goals, financial goals, relationship goals) were found to spend most of their thinking time on what they want and how to get it. Goals, priorities, their own actions, their own behaviors, you get the idea. This can be classified as "positive thinking". Those who report having difficulty achieving or maintaining their goals were found to spend a large amount of time thinking about what they don't want, things that make them sad, angry or frustrated, past events they can't control and who to blame for various things. This is referred to as "negative thinking". The best part? We're not destined to be positive or negative thinkers. We can actually shift our thinking at any time in our life.
Whoa! Right? But also ... makes sense. When we adopt more positive thinking, we tend to take more positive action and tend to get more positive results -- a.k.a. achieve our goals. We also just feel a heck of a lot better more often. Not a bad 'side effect'.
Just so we're clear, I'm saying in order to achieve and maintain your health + body composition goals, shifting to a more positive mindset will be an important factor (if not THE MOST important factor).
"Great, Tara. But how do I do that? And also, WTF? Do you live on planet Earth?"
Let me share some tips. And the last few ones really address the fact that this DOES NOT mean it's gonna be all rainbows + butterflies + well-behaved kids all the time. ;-)
1. Positive health habits. Come on, you saw that one coming from a mile away. LOL But it really does affect your ability to keep the right mindset and build momentum on your goals. Focus on the biggest needle-movers first and most: sleep, nutrition, fitness, movement, sunshine / nature, rest + relaxation + fun. As Vince Lombardi says, "Fatigue makes cowards of us all."
2. Positive self talk. Tune into your inner dialogue. Did the mean girls take over? Kick them out. Use affirmations like "I can do this", "I like myself" or even "I'm learning to like + care for myself". Add the word "yet" when you say things like, "I can't do this" or "I don't know how". I can't do this YET. I don't know how YET.
3. Positive people. As much as you can, reduce or eliminate the negative people in your life (or at least the amount of interactions you have with them). ADD positive people in. This could mean you spend more time with a friend you find really uplifting and less time with a friend that tends to drag you down. It could mean that you connect with positive people on social media who are making something out of their life or working on similar goals. It could mean that you join a new volunteer project, book club, dance class, or anything where you're drawn to the energy of the other people.
4. Positive visualization. There's another workshop in The After Party that I want those of you who are in it to go check out. It's a visualization workshop from back in the Fall. Otherwise, here's what I want you to do: see your goals as if they are already accomplished. Picture a year from now in the best way possible, dreaming so big it might embarrass you to say it out loud. Imagine all the details -- what time do you wake up? What do you put on? How do you feel? What do you do in the mornings? What do you eat? Replay this over and over like a movie. You control the movie in your mind and you won't be able to help but to start to ACT like her (or him).
5. Positive content. No news on in the background. No social media accounts that make you feel crappy about yourself. Fill that space instead with accounts, books, articles that are educational, inspirational, funny or uplifting. You still get to watch your Bravo TV and read your trashy novels. That's just for fun, right? But make sure you're taking inventory on what you're inputting the rest of the time. Dedicate time to consuming things that help you become better and more effective, whatever you want that to mean for you. It does pretty incredible things for our confidence.
6. Positive outlook with a realistic lens. Be prepared for the best to happen. Be prepared to achieve your goals and then some. Be prepared for your meeting or your day or that conversation to go really well. There is more chance it actually will. And if it doesn't, that's ok too and was always one of the possibilities.
7. Be aware of your negative bias. If you have a really bad 5 minutes in your day, do you say it was a bad day? If your day was pretty crappy except for 5 really good minutes, would you classify that as a good day? Most of us -- because of the way we were wired for survival -- overemphasize the bad and tend to not linger too long on the good. As humans, w can expect the full spectrum of human emotions (happy, excited, joyful, love, and also anger, frustration, despair, guilt...). We can also assume sometimes we are going to get sick, our kids are going to get sick, we're going to get a flat tire, there will be terrible and unexpected traffic, some big appliance in the house will break at the worst time, we'll lose power, etc. Even though we don't know when those things are coming, we know they're coming! Just all part of the human experience. How well would you like to be able to roll with the punches? How do you want to show up on the sunny days? And how about on the rainy days?
8. Negative emotions are in for dinner and out by dessert. We all experience the negative suite of emotions but often we fear those emotions and repress them, never fully allowing them to move through us. Invite your negative emotions to the table. They get a seat too. Feel them, explore them, cry, yell on purpose, sing, dance, vent to a friend, journal ... and then kick them out before dessert. You can even set a timer here. Give yourself 5-10 minutes to wallow in that self pity but when you hear the ding, it's time to move on.
9. Lean on gratitude. You cannot feel a negative emotion and gratitude at the same time so use that to your advantage! If you need to move past some negative stuff after allowing yourself to feel it, start thinking about or writing down the things you're grateful for in this very moment. Be specific as that impacts our mindset the most. Rather than say, "I'm grateful for my family and friends.", say, "I'm grateful that I was able to take a walk this morning with my kids out in the sunshine."
10. Always find a win and when you can't, make sure you do. Seriously! If you can't find a win, challenge yourself even harder to find something you're proud of or something good in the situation, even if tiny. Maybe you didn't stick to your nutrition or fitness goals AT ALL today, but did you go to bed at a good time or drink some water? Maybe you haven't noticed signs of fat loss yet but has your energy improved? Maybe you got a flat and have to wait for AAA to come while everyone is waiting for you to come home and set up for your daughter's birthday party but do you now have an unexpected 30 minutes of 'me time' in the car? (Based on a true story. LOL) Training yourself to find wins -- especially when they're not so obvious -- is like training your muscles. You'll get stronger with more reps.
And with that, go have yourself an awesome day!!
XO,
Tara
P.S. TLDR: Having a positive mind is one of the most important factors that determine whether or not you can achieve your goals. You can be a positive person and still live in the real world and be a human with the full spectrum of human emotions. Mindset isn't fixed and can be upgraded. You got this!